Quite a while ago, I wrote about my quest to learn more about my spiritual and philosophical self. I was enthusiastic about the idea at the time, but quickly became distracted once again by "life" and all the little comfort zones I'd crafted. But once again, that unsettling urgency came roaring back. Putting my world in order, while helpful and fulfilling, was only a temporary fix.
A conversation that I had with my aunt quite a while back bubbled into my mind. There is an astrological event known as Saturn Return (you can read about it here: http://www.newage-directory.com/saturn.html). Whether you subscribe to astrology, this makes brilliant sense to me, and many psychologists even support the theory. It is a time of complete transformation and reformation occurring between 28 and 30, when Saturn returns back to its position during your birth. It can last into your early 30s. I've been in Saturn Return for a while, and perhaps it's been lingering because I've not completely addressed it. I have repositioned many aspects of my life, cultivating new perspectives and ways of living, accomplishing new tasks, achieving new goals, but Saturn is tugging at my pant leg. Part of Saturn's function is to promote growth and change, even if it means you must endure pain and fear. Uncertainty, pain, fear, and doubt are not obstacles, but, from a Saturnalian perspective, ways in which we are shown there is need for change.
This has to be the missing piece of the puzzle. It is the only aspect of my personal growth that I've admittedly neglected. The fear of not knowing where to begin is easily solved by simply starting somewhere. There is no rule that says I must begin at a specific point. I have a literary mind. I know full well that most books have a bibliography, so if I simply pick up one that seems like it might be of interest to me, I've opened the first door. And I'm eager to begin because I think it will also allow this blog to finally take a more pointed shape, which is something else I've been struggling to solve.
Today I compiled a list of books that I think are a good starting point, and gave it to a co-worker who has a library connection. It's time to begin. Mercury may be in retrograde, but I think Saturn and I are about to kick his ass.