Greetings, Kids. Snack foods have come up twice this morning, thus inspiring this list. Now, bear in mind, as with ALL my lists, these aren't necessarily "top" five or "only" five. Just five of what could be many. So please, by all means, add your picks to the list every week. It just may inspire a follow-up down the road!
Today I present to you five snacks that I would literally eat every single day if my teeth and digestive system were superhuman.
1. Pretzels: I need to be specific here. This is not inclusive of ALL pretzels. This is restricted to Utz pretzel rods and Snyder's sourdough pretzel nuggets. The rods come in a tub that, if I were to buy them on a regular basis, I would likely go through three tubs/week. I do not have a pretzel budget. The nuggets, on the other hand, come in a bag, and frankly, it's not a big enough bag. If that sucker lasts two sittings, it's a long time. I would also assert that "skinny" pretzels, such as the thin twists or the pretzel "stix" are gross and should no longer be produced. They are a wimpy excuse for a pretzel. They would get their asses kicked by Rod and Nugget on the pretzel playground.
2. Blue corn chips: Here's the amazing thing about blue corn chips. Plain, they are amazing. With guac or salsa, ALSO amazing. They are so much better than white corn or regular tortilla chips because they are less salty, and if you wanna go the "healthy" route, they are a better option. I enjoy versatility in my snacks. Bravo, blue corn chips, for being both unique AND adaptable.
3. Doritos: Another caveat here. ONLY original flavor. The red bag. NOT cool ranch. NOT jalapeno blast or whatever the hell it's called. I want my Doritos OG. And there's only ONE thing in this world that makes Doritos even better: sour cream. Not a sour cream-based dip, just plain ole' sour cream. I know your reaction was "Ew, really?" YES. REALLY. I promise you, you will love this combination SO much, you will eat enough of it to give you a stomach ache. I have done this on more than one occasion. I also haven't solved the proper Dorito-to-sour cream ratio. One bag of Doritos to one 16-oz. container of sour cream is the closest I've gotten. And yes, I've eaten both in one sitting. Don't judge me.
4. Cheez-Its: Again, original flavor, original size. Not GIANT Cheez-Its. Not some white cheddar garbage. Good ole' original Cheez-Its. I used to buy the 5-lb box at B.J.'s Wholesale, and I could literally eat 5 lbs of Cheez-Its in one week. I will eat these until there is a cheese-flavored paste in my mouth and teeth, and I have to drink 4 gallons of water to get rid of it.
5. David's Pumpkin Seeds: I say David's because they are the only brand of roasted pumpkin seeds I will eat. The are perfectly salty. Perfectly roasted. I eat these bad boys shell and all. I also tend to gravitate towards them during very stressy times, probably because the chewing of them (shell and all) is very labor-intensive. I will also eat them until my teeth hurt, my lips are shriveled from the salt, and I KNOW (get ready for TMI) my next trip to the bathroom will be akin to passing a cactus. On the flipside, especially if you buy the shelled pumpkin seeds (also called pepitas) they are SUPER good for you, and mixing these (plain, unsalted) with the roasted ones cuts down on the labor (on the front AND back end).
Leave your favorite, could-never-live-without snacks in the comments field.... I think I need to run to 7-11.