Friday, September 9, 2011

Friday Five: Sexiest Rock Stars

Friday are fun. Everyone is usually in a pre-weekend good mood, there’s goofing off in the workplace, and an overall levity to the day. So, in keeping with the vibe of Friday, I’ve decided to start a series: The Friday Five. Each week’s list will be made of something silly, fun, and light. I encourage you to share your picks with us each week. After all, what good is fun if you’re having it by yourself?

*Please note that these are not in any special order. Just the order in which they entered my brain.

1. Corey Taylor, Stone Sour/Slipknot: Big props to Corey for major hotness transformation. He wasn’t always. Once upon a time, he had scraggly hair, and if he had a nice body, it was hidden under baggy clothes, or in the case of Slipknot, a costume and mask. Then someone introduced him to a buzzer and a gym, and voila. Bald + tattoos + awesome body = bad ass sexy rockstar. Proof positive that bald/shaved head is sometimes a way better option than long hair.

Corey Taylor Before: Ick.            Corey Taylor After: YUM.

2. Rob Zombie: There’s such thing as “sexydirty.” Rob Zombie also produces some of the best background music for a night of “whiskey-a-go-go-meets-dark-and-devilish-fun”. He is also a movie producer and has done some amazing things in the horror genre. So I hear. He almost makes me want to watch horror movies. Almost.

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. Zombie. 

3. Peter Steele, Type O Negative: The late, great Peter Steele made my little goth grrrl heart twitter in the mid-90s. At 6’6”, with jet-black hair, and green eyes, he could chew up Edward Cullen and spit him into a bottle of cheap red wine. Pete did a spread for Playgirl in 1995, and I distinctly remember the shock of my friend and I when we flipped the issue open: WOAH! Uhhh…wow.” Let me reiterate: SIX FOOT SIX.  

What grown-up vampires look like. 
Sidebar: In that same issue (it was the sexy rock star issue, I guess), there was a picture of Kip Winger in a bubble bath. I would like to share this traumatic image with you. First of all, women in a bubble bath = sexy. Overly hairy man in a bubble bath = uhmmm… no. Maybe man-waxing wasn’t trendy then, but I am more than certain there was some sort of Man Nair available. Grinning, clavicle-to-ankles-hairy rock star lying on his back in a mostly dissolved bubble bath with the bait and tackle floating on the surface. You’re welcome.

4. Jon Bon Jovi: Dude’s pushing 50, and can still rock the leather pants like nobody’s business. You could crack a walnut on the Jonny Buns. The smile, the voice, and his overall “regular guy” attitude complete the picture. I would argue that he has gotten sexier as he has gotten older. And the show that he and the boys put on is spectacular. He runs around, almost non-stop, for the entire 2+ hour show. That’s called stamina. We like stamina.

New Jersey's Contribution to Rock Hotness

5. Maynard James Keenan, Tool/A Perfect Circle/Puscifer: Bald? Check. Sick tattoo down his spine? Check. Writes music that makes my soul hurt and my brain percolate? Check. So unbelievably well-read, well-spoken, and brilliant? Check. He’s cerebral sexy. His intelligence is so impressive, it’s intimidating. Add it to the complexity of the music he and his bandmates create, the intensity with which it is created, and the voice that comes out of his throat, and you have sexy nerdrock.

Some say weird. I say sexy. 

Please share your top five sexy rock star picks (male or female). I'd love to revisit this topic with a Friday Five Reader’s Picks List. 


  1. "Crack a walnut on the Jonny Buns"? ;-p

  2. OMG, I love this series. Also everything in here made me giggle (though we clearly have very different taste in men). That's okay though; we'll never fight over the same ones :) LOL!

    Well, I'm with you on JBJ. That man looks better each year. I'm going to work on something for you over the weekend :)

  3. OH YEA... you wouldn't happen to still have that issue of Playgirl, do you? Just out of curiosity and all...

  4. Thanks! Well, we might have different taste in rockstar men... And I would LOVE to see your picks, for sure!

    HAHAHAH!!! You can actually find most of those Playgirl images online. However, make sure you are not eating or drinking anything when you view them. It could be hazardous to your health. ;-) I will never forget Janine and I looking at it together, gasping in horror and then giggling uncontrollably. We were 17. In hindsight, some of them are incredibly silly/cheesy. But the, err, equipment is still gasp-worthy. HAHAH!