Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday Five: Stupidest Date Ideas

Last night, I realized, "Oh shit. Tomorrow is Friday. And I don't have a list idea." So, I googled list ideas, and I came across a site that offers fun date ideas. It even has it broken down into various categories: romantic, adventure, for teens, etc. But one in particular caught my attention: Dates Under $10. Given that my BF and I are trying to be wise with our spending, I thought this might be interesting. But then I read the list, and immediately became snarky, sarcastic, and critical. There are approximately 75 items. Here are some of the worst examples on the list: 

1. Be a counselor for a day camp: You know what we do during the day? We WORK. At day jobs. That are not camps. Unless you work nights, part time, or have summers off, this isn't even possible. But more importantly, IT'S NOT A DATE! What are the odds you'd even get to spend your time there together? Aren't you supposed to hang out and entertain/supervise your group of brats--i mean--kids?  

2. Climb a tree: How long does it take to climb a tree? Five, maybe ten minutes? I can just picture it: the two of us, climbing up the tree, laughing about the fact that we're climbing a tree... and then... "Hey, so... we' a tree... cool." WOW. THAT WAS FUN.  

3. Clean out a closet together: Well, if this is someone's definition of a good time, baby, I got window sills that need dusting, a stove that needs cleaning, and floors that need vacuuming. I'm gettin' hot just thinking about it. Aren't you? ...Babe? ...Hello?

I will admit that I do enjoy cleaning out closets, reorganizing, etc. But I am absolutely positive that it is coded in our DNA to NOT do these things together. A woman will nag her man to clean out his closets, drawers, etc. The man will do some form of this, which will not make the woman happy, they will fight, and she will re-do it to her liking. This is not something most men care about, and there is absolutely no way to make this activity fun. Trying to do this will cause a fight for sure. 

4. Dye your hair: Ok, A) My guy is bald. And B) I absolutely do NOT trust him with a bottle of hair dye (sorry, babe). But even if you both have dyable hair, and even if you both WANTED to dye it, having a hair-dyeing party is something girls do with their girlfriends or gay guy friends. I don't know who dyes guys' hair. If anyone knows, let me know. For now, I'm sticking with my awesome hairdresser, who I am certain will not get dye all over my ears, nose, and forehead. And neck. And shoulder. And one elbow.  

5. Watch construction crews working: Right after paint drying and grass growing?

Maybe guys are into this stuff because they like to see how things are built, and they like huge machines and stuff that smashes other stuff. The only thing I care about on a construction site is if there's any hot construction guys working, which would likely cause some discomfort on the date:
"Wow, isn't it cool how they use that (giant industrial vehicle thingie) to hoist those (giant pieces of construction material) up there?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was looking at the ass on that one in the orange hardhat...."

If anyone finds any of these options appealing, I apologize for criticizing you.

Actually, I take that back. If you find any of these ideas appealing, I'll lend you $20 to NOT have to resort to these activities on your next date.


  1. OMG, Nik... This post is hysterical. Esp the part about the tree climbing. LMAO!!! Also not sure why anyone would want to be a camp counselor on a date. That sounds... like it would be the worst date ever.