Friday, March 9, 2012

Friday Five: Fashion Trends that Gotta Go

I am not a fashionista by any means. I don't read Cosmo or Vogue. But I am a citizen of society, and I do shop for clothes in fairly mainstream places. A rule I was taught long ago by my mother and my grandmother was that you should always wear what looks good and flattering on you. Not what is trendy. By all means, be trendy, but only if you don't look like a fool.

Sadly, as you are about to see, there are people who have not been so fortunate in their fashion advice, and thus are the inspiration for today's Friday Five.

1. Boys and skinny jeans: You have to be really tall, really skinny, and really famous to pull this off, and even then, they look kinda dumb. But most guys wearing these look something like this:

Chicks dig guys in stupid pants, right?

There's nothing hot about a square butt, saggy crotch, and bunchy pant leg that leads to giant footwear. It makes you look like you raided Mickey Mouse's closet. This is even worse if you happen to be chunky. Please refer to the shopping scene in Superbad with Jonah Hill. There's nothing wrong with being heavy, unless you're trying to stuff yourself into these ridiculous pants.

2. Open-toe Boots:  Seriously. Someone PLEASE explain this to me. Look, I love boots. LOVE THEM. From short and sassy to thigh-high and sky-high, I'm all about the boots. Leather, suede, rocker chick, riding boots, stilletto... it doesn't matter. Boots are awesome. But this?

Half hooker, half gladiator. All ridiculous.

3. Pajamas in public: We've all been in a situation where we're in our comfies, or it's really late/early, and we have to run an errand. I've been guilty of running out in my jammies and a sweatshirt. However, this fashion trend is baffling to me. I see it most often on my students. They come into class wearing a sweatshirt, makeup, hair is done or at least brushed, boots or sneakers on... and pajama pants. I don't mean plain sweatpants or lounge pants. I'm talking pastel-heart or penguins-in-hats-and-scarves-patterned pajama pants.

Look at how aloof I am pretending to be.

Perhaps I am overthinking this, but 1, if you're going to spend time doing all that other stuff getting ready, you don't have an extra 30 seconds to put on either jeans or just regular sweats? And two, didn't you have to take the pajama pants off to (hopefully) put on clean underpants? Is this an attempt at being "blase" about your appearance? You don't look blase. You look stupid.

4. Eyebrow manipulation: Eyebrows are an integral part of your face. If you've ever seen a picture of someone with their eyebrows photoshopped off, they look bizarre. Eyebrows should look natural. Now, I'm not saying you can't manicure them. Hell, I've spent probably a gazillion dollars ensuring I don't have a unibrow. But some people take it a bit too far.

My eyebrows are like, soooo perfect.

5. Men's "duck feet" Dress Shoes: There are few things sexier than a guy all decked out, smelling all handsome, wearing a sharp tie and a crisp suit. You look him up and down, but suddenly, sexy is stomped on. By these:

Because a man's foot isn't obtrusive enough.

The empty 2-3 inches in the front gets turned up as the owner walks, adding yet another sexy feature to these gems. GQ to goofy in .5 seconds.

Which fashion trends drive you crazy?

*Special thanks to my girl Elisa for helping me brainstorm these!


  1. I have to agree with all of these. I would also like to add pants that don't cover your rear-end. And I'm not even speaking of the pants purposely wiggled down and belted below the rear. Yes, I hate that but fortunately, that seems to be dwindling. I'm speaking of average folks who cannot sit, squat, or reach for anything without showing us way more than we want to see. I think plumbers in the world are even sick of all the crack...
    Happy Friday!

  2. You know, Traci, it's funny, because so many of the things I wanted to include here had to do with pants... pants that are too low, pants that are too tight, pants that aren't big enough to BE pants.... The "crack exposure" gets on my nerves too. Not to mention the fact that that cannot possibly be comfortable!

  3. So nice to see someone else vocalize (verbilize, writalize) thinks I have always hated.

  4. Oh, it's so nice to catch up and get my daily dose of funny. I'm so sorry I've missed your posts!

    I HATE HATE HATE those duck shoes. Ewwww. I dunno what it is, but they just totally ruin a perfectly handsome man.

    And open-toed boots are kind of this year's sweater vest. What was that fashion trend about? I'm cold, but only in the areas my tank top reaches? Stoooopid.

    The Jonah Hill scene from Superbad makes me cry, it's so damn funny. I heart him. XOXO